Posts tagged janek

Numb November

After abandoning my blog for 19 days, I felt I had to address the emotional upheaval and grief that has tormented me this November.

Firstly, I must thank my brother, Janek, for taking hold of the reigns and stepping into the shoes of a writer who focuses on issues concerning type 1 diabetes. He is a truly wonderful person-if you would like to learn more about Janek and his adventures, his blog, The Engineer Also Muses is always an excellent read.

This has been our November.

1November 2008: Lance has shared his life with type 1 diabetes for six years. The first two “anniversaries” I was a sobbing mess. The following two, I made sure that we paid homage to the gift of insulin by having a small celebration. This year, the words, “When he’s been diagnosed for over five years, you’ll need to keep your eye out for complications” resonated through me each time I inhaled, and exhaled. We made a very bland vanilla cake. Balloons and celebrating the worst day of my life weren’t appropriate this year.

1-19 November, 2008: Lance’s symptoms of hot, burning feet at night have not improved or slowed down. Our GP wrote a referral to a Podiatrist specialising in Diabetes Complications. I was able to get Lance and appointment very quickly. We are in a ridiculous sleep pattern at the moment, with Lance unable to sleep until close to midnight, and struggling to wake up by 8.30am the next morning in time for breakfast and school. Not to mention my glassy eyes with unflattering bags big enough to accommodate an around-the-world trip. I have found myself falling asleep at my desk and even while waiting for the oven bell to sound. I don’t know how horses can bare to sleep standing..

We had an early appointment on a Monday morning. Despite my fatigue, I actually took half a valium tablet before we left, because despite EVERYONE telling me that there was no possible way that Lance could have Peripheral Neuropathy, my gut told me otherwise.

Gut was right.

Helen, the podiatrist, was actually two years my junior in primary school. Once we established that we knew each other as children, I told her about the past six years living with Diabetes, and the incredible year I got to spend with Lance before his diagnosis.

She began her examination. (As far as Lance knows, all kids have to have their feet checked to make sure they are growing properly. I don’t want to mention complications or anything negative until the most important day of the year is over.)

 November 23-Lance’s 8th birthday.

He climbed up on a modern black leather chair that was operated by remote control. He seemed suitably impressed. Helen asked him if he would mind wearing a blindfold, while she conducted the “prick test.” Lance, ever the perfect patient, nodded enthusiastically and held out his hand for the eye cover.

Helen examined Lance’s feet, and asked him to point to where the heat mainly came from.

“Do you get pins and needles often, Lance?”

“YEAH! Everyday.”

“When you’re playing on the floor or sitting with your legs crossed?”

“Sometimes when I’m on the floor playing Lego, other times when I’m at my desk doing homework. It just depends, really.”

“Okay then Lance. I want you to say “YES” or raise your hand when you feel a little sting. I’m just going to use something that looks like a nail file to see how sensitive your feet are.”

“Okay then.” He sat back in the chair, totally relaxed. I was on the end of mine, almost hyperventilating.

Helen began prodding the sharp corner of a file into the soles of his feet. She moved to the top of his foot, testing each toe, moving up to the ankle, and then slowly progressing up his calf. When she got to behind his knee, he was startled and let out a loud, “YOW!!!”

No feeling in his feet….

No feeling in his legs…

Helen couldn’t quite look me in the eye. She picked up a stainless steel tool that resembled a spiked vibrator. She went over all of the same spots that she did with the file. This time, he could feel the deep vibrations, and he had his hand up  the for almost the entire part of this examination.

Helen pressed a few buttons on the chair, so that Lance was sitting upright. She removed his blindfold.

She sat down on her chair, and clasped her hands together.

“What we’re looking at is Peripheral Neuropathy. I used a file on his feet and legs that I would use on an adult, so I was expecting him to be hollering. The good news is that he has feeling deep in his feet, as he responded very well to the vibration test. I’m going to conduct a doppler test, which basically means that I will be listening to blood flow in his feet to make sure it’s nice and strong.”

Peripheral Neuropathy. I was still in deep shock at watching my son completely unresponsive to having a sharp file dug into his flesh.

She smeared some blueish gel onto his ankles, and then endeavoured to find the pulse in his feet. A slight frown appeared on her forehead. My stomach was churning over and over, I had a pulse pounding away in my temples. Finally, she found a faint pulse close to his ankle.

“That’s a lot deeper than I would like it to be. It’s quite faint, and..well, we’ll do the other foot.”

What I had been secretly fearing was unfurling right before my eyes.

The pulse in the other foot was much easier to find, and it was strong, and the bloodflow was normal.

I asked what we could do about the symptoms. She said that she would write to Lance’s endo and ask whether he would prefer Lance to commence oral medication or to use topical preparations.

“I don’t want to scare you, but there has been damage done. The good news is that Lance spoke up early, and you pushed for a podiatry assessment, and now that we know that he has PN, we can work at halting any further damage, and he’s at such an advantage being on an insulin pump.”

“I need you to be totally honest with me, Helen, I want to know everything, so I can learn about the best way to help him.”

“I haven’t had a lot of experience in paediatric podiatry, with diabetic complications, I mean. I have some phone calls to make to your team, and some letters to write just confirming my findings.”

I gave her the phone numbers and addresses that she would need to pass the news onto Lance’s Diabetes Educator and endocrinologist. She clasped my hand.

“I am so sorry, Kate. It’s not the worst news, but it’s certainly not what you want to be dealing with at this age.”


We are now, more than ever, working hard to stay in the 4-8mmol/L range.

I have become even more of a Shoes-Outside-Always-Nazi, so much so that I loathe the sound of my own voice. I am constantly sweeping up small, sharp pieces of Lego. I loofah Lance’s feet in the shower every night to improve circulation. I massage with such force that my own hands feel bruised the next day. If I massage his feet the way I used to, he can’t feel it anymore.

Lance is taking a Vitamin B1 Supplement (Thiamin) which is supposed to allieviate the unpleasant sensations that accompany PN. I have to wait for his endocrinologist to return for holidays before I get his verdict about treatment.

I will write more about the reactions I have received about the diagnosis in my next post. I really just wanted to let people who have been kind enough to enquire about Lance know that despite my initial devastation, I’m trying to think of it as just an area of his diabetes care that I’m tightening up on.

The Staff at Lance’s school all wore blue on World Diabetes Day at his request. He wrote an email to his teacher, letting him know that it wasn’t a day for donations, but a day to create awareness.

My good friend, Amy Leverington, was chosen to climb Mount Kosciuszko (Australia’s highest mountain) on the morning on World Diabetes Day to watch the sun rise. Amy has achieved so much already, through putting together her funky anime blood sugar diaries, that have no smacks of Diabetes or bsl readings about them whatsoever. She is currently working on a unisex pump diary-stay tuned!

Our next big appointment is at the end of November-we have to pay a visit to an opthamologist.

My brother, Janek celebrated his 23rd birthday on the 16 November. I’ve already wished him a happy birthday, but I’ll do it again in writing..HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JANEK!! You can pop by The Engineer Also Muses and pay your regards if you care to do so!

One year ago, my dear friend Joel, who lived a life riddled with chronic pain and depression, passed away in his sleep at the age of 32. The pain of his absence is so strong, yet I experience a great sense of relief knowing that he never has to endure a painful, difficult day again.

Joel was buried on my the day that my own angel came into the world eight years earlier. 

Lance, my only child and best friend celebrates his 8th birthday on Sunday.

We’ll be sure to make the readers who have grown to admire Lance’s bravery and wisdom part of his special day, by having the birthday boy in person post about his special day.

November will always be rollercoaster of emotions. With my son’s birth, my life became fulfilled and watching him live was simply an extraordinary experience.

With my son’s diagnosis, he was robbed of his innocence and freedom. Again, my world had a huge shift, and it still leaves me rattled on the odd occasion.

And again, the new diagnosis of Peripheral Neuropathy in November. We arrested the condition early, but it has left me so exposed and aware as to the impact type 1 diabetes can have on the body. It’s a very hard concept to address, especially when you have others around you suggesting that it couldn’t possibly be Neuropathy. I would do anything to say “It’s all been a huge mistake! I was wrong!”  However, as a mother to Lance, and to his diabetes, I just knew. We went through enough wild fluctuations when he was three/four to know that his entire body had worked very hard to keep functioning for that very difficult stage.

Also, I am waiting for the return of my laptop. It is in Sydney, currently being repaired. I was lucky enough to borrow one overnight so that I could catch up on November.

I have all of my attention focused on The Birthday. I did good with getting what he wanted. I need to see the rapture in his smile to help me begin to heal.


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A Victorious Moment-Paying It Forward To Your Favourite Bloggers!

One thing I have learnt about type 1 diabetes is that just when you think your life is akin to an overgrown bunch of noxious weeds, if you look hard enough, smack bang amidst the jungle you can find the most incredible bunch of exotic blooms.

Today, I found a gorgeous flower that made me smile. In fact, I’m STILL smiling.

My friend Kez sent me an email, and told me that I had a surprise awaiting on his website. After a really horrid day, I was intrigued to investigate.

After scanning through his latest post, I soon found myself grinning, as I had become the proud recipient of the Superior Scribbler Award!

I Won This Award!

I Won This Award!


The award was originally created by Melissa over at The Scholastic Scribe. She initially awarded the prize to her five favourite bloggers, who then awarded their five faves, and so on.

My tres amazing hombre, Kez-author of Interpret This! has given me the ultimate privilege of sharing with the blogosphere that Why Did The Insulin Die is one of his favourite blogs! 

Kez writes an eye popping and lusciously addictive blog about everything between his passion for a fine automobile to his quirky, everyday life in Melbourne. Somewhere amongst all of that, you will discover that Kez also has Type 1 Diabetes. I often forget this, however, because he has the ability to just get on with the show. He showers the world with his sunny disposition, and he has a heart as huge as a drag queen’s headpiece. It hasn’t taken long at all for Kez to become someone that I dearly cherish as a friend. He is always looking out for Lance, and he has this amazing ability to make me feel so special. So, Kez, on behalf of the staff of (I actually DO have a wonderful team on board, I have my IT guru, my understudy, in case I’m stuck in a crisis or an emergency;he knows Lance and me well enough to take over, and of course, the star of the entire production, Lance,) THANK YOU SO MUCH, Kez, for selecting our little blog as one of your top 5, out of so many worthy and wonderful reads!

So, before I reveal my Top 5 bloggers, I am required to publish the rules of participating in heaping ice buckets full of praise and adoration upon the worthy winners.


Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.

  • Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.
  • Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to this post, which explains The Award.
  • Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this postand add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we’ll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!
  • Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Okay, now that the official part of the post is over, we now get down to the nitty gritty, as i announce the winners, carefully chosen by me, with some very important input from Lance.

In no particular order…

The first winner is Janek, author of The Engineer Also Muses. The name says it all..Janek is an Engineer, working tirelessly (in between msn conversations) to become Dr Janek, by obtaining his PhD. He muses about everything from humourous number plates to posting how many SMS messages he has exchanged with his beloved since they began dating approximately 4 months ago. On a more serious note, Janek is struggling to comprehend with a mysterious burden that affects his home, work and social life. He has an unexplained form of chronic pain, and despite being zapped, prodded and scanned, his medical team are unable to give him an actual reason for why his pain exists, and have therefore lumped his case with the title of nothing short of having a severe case of “Chronic Pain.” Janek manages to keep his head held high and hopes for the best-his wisdom and maturity is so advanced despite his almost 23 years. He is also a passionate advocate for many causes, and when he gets on his soapbox-be warned. Janek is only relatively new to the blogosphere, but has embraced entertaining his readers with gusto. Bravo, Janek.

Kerri‘s award winning blog, Six Until Me, chronicles her last 22 years that she has shared with Type 1 Diabetes. Determined to live life to the fullest, as well as being an amazing advocate for all people with The Big D, her posts leave you with food for thought, empower you to maintain superior health and a positive outlook despite having a pancreas void of insulin, and her ability to share her own terrifying experiences with hypoglycaemia and hyperglycaemia are absolutely heartwrenching. Kerri’s was the very first blog that I came across almost three years ago, I was so intrigued and excited to find an online account of survival that was written by a twenty-something, successful women from Rhode Island who knows her diabetes back to front and inside out. An absolute must read for anyone new to the Diabetes Online Community. I can guarantee that you will find yourself wanting your daily hit of Six Until Me. Oh! By the way, Kerri has managed to make her gorgeous cat an international star! 

Dan, author of My Life In The Slow Lane tells of a young man who has overcome some very dark phases through adolescence with chronic illnesses and depression. He has found the inner strength to live alone in Sydney and attend University, while enjoying an entertaining social life and seducing the reader with his incredible talents as a wordsmith. A inspiring story of how chronic illness could not hold this man back; he managed to emancipate himself from its clutches. Dan can fully identify with how living with Fibromyalgia, ME and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome are so misunderstood, very much like Type 1 Diabetes, often accompanied with the dreaded exclamation, “But you look so well!” A laugh-out-loud account of day-to-day life as a student, a patient, peppered with the excitement and challenges of a flourishing relationship. An inspiring and passionate read, with a twist of ascerbic wit and the odd, unapologetic outburst.

Bitten And Bound The Not So Pretty Side Of Hollywood speaks for itself. An all-girl lineup contribute to this blog (Missy, Meg and Andrea), giving delightfully humourous accounts of C Grade celebrities getting up to mischief.  I  recently enjoyed the Sarah Palin/Tina Fey SNL fiasco that the girls were able to present for our viewing pleasure. Bitten and Bound is your number one stop to find out about scandalous behaviour of the rich and famous, (yes, you, David Duchovny of the XXX Files.) An up-to-the-minute blog about Hollywood behaving badly, with fantastic pics to boot.

And the final spot belongs to..Shannon. This woman is possibly the U.S version of me. Her blog, Mom Wants A Cure tells of Shannon’s eldest child, Brendon, and his diagnosis of type 1 diabetes followed by his survival and the family’s acceptance of The Beast. Unlike me, Shannon has to devote herself to her husband, her two other chlldren and helping Brendon look after his Diabetes, as well as finding the odd ten minutes for herself. Both Lance and Bren were diagnosed at roughly the same time, and are pretty much the same age. Shannon’s blog is a hoot, she is unashamedly honest, (she enjoys colouring her posts with the odd expletive.) I often laugh out loud when I come across expletives used as adjectives or even the only word in a sentence. Dealing with hypos and high blood sugars year after year are bound to bring out some type of frustrated exclamation!) This woman also has the hugest heart and shows so much compassion to those in need of an ear. I relate to Shannon in so many ways, because we both are Mum’s/Mom’s who want nothing more than a cure. “Pure and Simple.” 

 Congratulations to these well-deserving recipients! It was definitely a difficult selection process. Each of these blogs provide me with comfort and much laughter.

Once again, big love and hugs to you, Kez. It was actually very difficult to keep you off my favourite five list!To all of the bloggers who have no reason to include a diabetes info and support blog on their blogroll, but have added us anyway…THANK YOU, TOO!! You are providing an invaluable service, by helping to educate your readers about type 1 diabetes. Better advertising than money can buy, I say! 🙂



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When Sugar Was As Sweet As My Baby.

While speaking to my dear friend, Janek, a very old photo came into my field of vision. It suddenly hit me as to why I couldn’t stop staring at it. It’s one of “those” photos where relatives and friends shake their head in disbelief and exclaim, “But..but..he just looked so..healthy!!!”

Yeah, well..looks can be deceiving.

The day this photo was taken…Lance, his Dad and I were in New Farm, enjoying a day of exploring the plethora of incredibly original and funky stores that Upper Brunswick Street is infamous for. This photo was taken at a cafe by Scott, who couldn’t resist taking a snap of our gorgeous baby. We’d just had a fabulous lunch after a blissful morning of shopping in Sunny Brisbane.

( It dawned on me that I can barelyremember what it’s like to sit down and have lunch without worrying if Lance had consumed enough carbohydrates to match the insulin already injected into his body hours earlier. I can’t remember eating a meal without giving most or all of my food containing carbs to Lance, in a desperate attempt to lessen the chance of a massive hypo in the middle of a city.)

 Food, Insulin, Nutritional panels…my brain is an entanglement of numbers and percentages, with a twist of fear and uncertainty intertwining through more numbers, and more percentages.  

However, in this photo, Lance was only seven, almost eight months old. I treasure this image. It was when Scott, Lance and I were a tight-knit family. No Diabetes, no mysterious symptoms present, just joyous times each and everyday. I used to long for Lance to wake up, I loved his company so much.

I remember other diners’ catching a glimpse of Lance, (who had just woken from a nap) and they simply couldn’t look away. That had always been the way with my baby-you had no choice but to be fixated by his huge smile and natural charisma that was already evident, even at such a tender age.

 Not one person would ever have thought that given a few months from that day, this baby’s rosy cheeks would be sallow and chalk white, his sparkling baby blue eyes sunken back into his head, dull and lifeless, and his warm expressive face crumpled with agonising pain.

So, here’s the shot that breaks my heart, yet reminds me how blessed I was to have that one, amazing, perfect year.

(Those little fingers had never been hurt in anyway, only smothered with kisses.)

I still have my baby, but he has had to fight so hard to become the amazing kid he is today. I’m watching him sleep as I type, and I can still see that baby in his “big boy” face. My favourite sound in the world is my son breathing as he sleeps.

Out of all of Lance’s pre-diagnosis photos, this one comforts me the most. It doesn’t make me sad, or bitter, or crave for a life free of Diabetes. It only reminds me just how lucky I am to have my son.

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Pump Wars.


(Not only is this word appropriate to describe today’s events, but it is also two years ago since the world lost “our” Steve Irwin.)

I do try to keep expletives out of my posts, but I really felt that today they were necessary.

It’s The Pump.

 Lance complained that his site was “uncomfortable.” As I only changed his set yesterday, I had a peek to see if there was any redness or inflammation. Nothing. I decided to leave it for half an hour, just to see if it really was bothering him.

Fifteen minutes later, I heard an unfamiliar alarm.

“Sweetie, what’s your pump saying?” I called.

Um..Mum, it’s saying “No Delivery.” he replied anxiously.

I remained calm, and outruled all possible problems that could be causing this urgent message.

Finger Prick. That would tell me if his basal rate was being delivered.


$*#@ !!!!!!!!!

The pump was telling me that I need to “disconnect from body and change set.”

Okay, okay.

I got another set ready and attached it to Lance’s belly. He said that it felt comfortable.

I corrected for that frightful hyper. The pump told me it wanted to give 3.5u of insulin. Sounded perfect to me.

Tested for ketones. Phew. None to be found.

I served afternoon tea, and told Lance the amount of carbs he needed to bolus for. I double checked his entry, and gave him the go ahead to press ACT.

I was just about to sit down and flick through my mail..

No Delivery.”

This wasn’t funny.

BSL- HI. Blood ketones-0.1.

$#*@ !!!!!!

Again, I removed the set, and applied a fresh one. As ketones were now on the scene, (even in miniscule amounts), I administered an injection of Novorapid, via our old friend the NovoNordisk Flexpen.

It felt very strange to administer an injection again.

“It’s been a while since we’ve had to have a needle, hasn’t it?” I mentioned.

“Oh, I KNOW. It felt sooo good to have a needle again!”

My seven year old boy-with a wide smile on his face, as a result of an injection. It was such an odd concept to fathom. I did feel incredibly sad and confused that the familiarity of a needle entering his stomach eased the anxiety he was feeling regarding the pump and its out-of-character behaviour. I understood that the prick was a feeling that Lance associated with trust and feeling safe. Still, it was difficult to see him so pleased, considering the reason behind it.

An hour passed, and his blood sugar had slipped down to a still concerning 18.6mmol/L.

Now I didn’t know the drop was from the pen, the pump, or both.

My gut feeling said it was from the injection.

Despite his hyperglycaemia, Lance still requested food. I told him to bolus for 44 grams of carbs. He did just that.

Sure enough, ten minutes later….


$&*! $&*! $&*! !!!!!!

By this stage, Lance had a blood ketone reading of .4. I began to feel fluttery and panicky.

I sat down with my list of emergency phone numbers.

Firstly, I decided to call the 24 hour Medtronic Helpline.

Despite being 2.20am somewhere in the US, a happy and chipper customer service consultant took my call. We went through some trouble shooting processes together, all seemed fine.
He apologised for the waste of sets, and kindly organised three replacements to be sent express post all the way to Australia.

Nice gesture, Medtronic.

My next call was to the 24 hour emergency endocrinologist. We had never had the pleasure of meeting, so he was totally unfamiliar with Lance’s history.

He advised that I pack the pump away, call Medtronic Australia first thing tomorrow and recommence on Lance’s old insulin regime along with hourly testing throughout the night.

I decided to take the advice of the Medtronic Consultant. I changed the site yet again, and it’s been one hour since I’ve heard any nonsense from the pump.

Blood sugar is falling. Still high, but much better than off-the-meter.

Ketones are gone. 🙂

Giving my son that emergency injection was like giving a reformed heroin addict a jab of pethidine. He got a taste of what it felt like to be back on injections, and he liked the sensation of feeling safe and not knowing the fear of the unknown. He was disappointed when I went against the endo’s advice. He sighed as he saw me preparing a new set.

For the meantime, we just have to get through the night without that evil message causing undue stress for both of us.

$&*! What a vile day!!!!!!!!

Spending the day worrying about diabetes, ketones and blood sugar levels has left me exhausted and dreading the next 12 hours.

Meanwhile, Lance has forgotten all about the drama of the day, and is creating a helicopter out of Lego.

I wish I could switch off like he can.

Thankfully, I was able to vent my frustrations to my most amazing confidante, Janek. He understood exactly how Lance felt, and how I felt. I now feel slightly better that I have spoken to someone who knows OUR situation.

It’s now 2.22am. No alarms. Lance is settled and sound asleep on a perfect 6.6mmol/L.

Beauty, mate!

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My First Year As An Official D Blogger.

Today I took a moment to inspect my blog. It occurred to me last night that I have been doing this blogging caper for one month shy off a year!

I saw photos of Lance that actually made me gasp, as he has grown SO MUCH! His appetite has to be seen to be believed- is it any wonder I have transformed into Suzie Homemaker, preparing batches of cookies, muffins and other diabetes-friendly taste sensations. He’s morphed from a little boy into my best pal. We chit-chat and laugh all day long, and never tire of each other’s company. I’m so blessed to have him. 😀

My Best Mate-All Grown Up.

My Best Mate-All Grown Up.

I recalled historical events like World Diabetes Day, and the ousting of our former stale and tiresome Prime Minister.

The First Recognised World Diabetes Day.

The First Recognised World Diabetes Day.

Little Johnny Howard. Bloody GST!

Little Johnny Howard. Bloody GST!

I read comments from all of the wonderful, supportive and unfailingly kind D Bloggers, when Lance was diagnosed with his first complications.

I also marvelled at the many new and special friendships I have made.  I am so proud of the people that I call “friend” in my Blogroll, each of them are entirely different, and it’s that diversity that I dearly cherish .

Over the past year, I have reinforced my friendship with my good friend, Shannon, who is a fantastic confidante, and so unbelievably kind. Even though we have an ocean between us, we walk in very similar shoes. (Of course, I am Lance’s Mum, and Shannon is Brendon’s Mom, Brendon being Lance’s penfriend and link to what’s happening in the States.) Dan, my younger brother, has taken some collosal steps over the past year, and as a result is sitting in a very cosy nook, where the sun is always at its brightest. I am so proud of who you have become, sweetheart. Then there is Kerri, the first D Blogger I ever made contact with. She too, has had a fantastic 12 months, and a result, made a stunning bride in May.

I have also made some fascinating friendships along the way.  Janek-possibly the most charismatic man I have ever known. I swear, he is the equivilent of Human Valium-his ability to transform me from inconsolable and exhausted, to tranquil and calm is a true gift. He feels more like family these days. Dae is a really funky chick who Lance has taken an extreme liking to-her posts are very inspiring and fresh, despite lugging Type 2 Diabetes alongside her. Oh my, then there is Kezza. This gorgeous creature has left me wheezing from attacks of manic laughter. He also talks my talk, and without fail, has something interesting or inspirational to say. If Lance could grow up and manage to squeeze his Diabetes into his back pocket the way Kezza can, I would be a very content mother. Other “Mom’s” like Rhonda and Penny are inspirational women, and it’s been comforting to learn about their daily struggles and successes as parents of beautiful kids with Type 1 Diabetes.

To every person who reads my posts, and has sent love, prayers, best wishes and hope for Lance, thank you, thank you, thank you. A sentence with a kind sentiment included can make such a difference on a trying day. It also means a lot to Lance that people from all over the world have him in their thoughts.

This post is dedicated to each of you. You continue to provide me with glimmers of hope, and some raucous cackles thrown in for good meaure. The worst day can be turned around by some gentle, patient words of encouragement.

On the same note, please know that I am always really eager to know how your lives are progressing, and that catching up on your posts is always a special time of my day.

Ah, you are just a bunch of shiny, happy people.

Special. Divine. Wonderful.

Special. Divine. Wonderful.




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Mum At War With Hormones. (No, I’m Not Menapausal.)

I was speaking to my brother-in-law, Janek, when I felt “that” feeling. If I was the actress on a movie set, my hair would have started to stir and billow around my face, the lights would have been flickering, complete with bats squealing and their wings flapping against my window. When it comes to Lance and his levels, I have learnt to just ” know.” I could be M. Night Shyamalan’s muse…

I can be totally engrossed in something that doesn’t concern Lance-once he is asleep and “safe” I tend to unwind a lot-yet all of a sudden I can experience this sensation of unsettling dread. My heart starts to pound and my saliva stores completely dry up. I’ve tried so many times to convince myself not to act on it, but frighteningly enough, I have a decent success rate.

Whilst I sat on the edge of the bed watching the countdown, I discovered that I was holding my breath. Sure enough, Lance’s breathing was very shallow.

Lance was 9.4mmol/L at 9.30pm.

I reached for the glucometer, told Janek that I would “Be right back” and went to perform a test.


This is getting beyond a joke…

He’d had a fabulous dinner, carbohydrates galore, Low GI recipe..I was content and happy that we would have a troublefree night. I jinxed it by assuming everything would be okay.

I sat a drowsy and wonky Lance up in his bed, and told him he needed to drink for me. It’s pointless telling him that he is low or hypo, because he will simply roll over and tell me that he isn’t. If I say it’s “for me”..he will oblige..just.

He sucked down an apple juice.

He has now shot up to 10.4mmol/L.

That “feeling” has conveniently disappeared now.

If this pump wasn’t a reality, I really don’t know what I’d do. All of the extra injections, extra fingerpricks…even though I’m not receiving them, these constant ammendments and re-checking are exhausting, and emotionally draining.

The blessing of it all is that Lance remembers NOTHING the next morning.

As appreciative as I am for the marvel that is insulin, and the fact that I have a fridge full of it, I am fighting a mammoth battle to help Lance’s blood sugar levels remain out of the 20mmol/L zone. It’s associated with his intense growth spurt, and according to his endo, I have to fight “tooth and nail” to keep his control as tight as possible. It’s virtually impossible at this point in time to achieve this!!!

The Pump. It HAS to help.

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