Posts tagged diagnosed at one year of age with type 1 diabetes

When Sugar Was As Sweet As My Baby.

While speaking to my dear friend, Janek, a very old photo came into my field of vision. It suddenly hit me as to why I couldn’t stop staring at it. It’s one of “those” photos where relatives and friends shake their head in disbelief and exclaim, “But..but..he just looked so..healthy!!!”

Yeah, well..looks can be deceiving.

The day this photo was taken…Lance, his Dad and I were in New Farm, enjoying a day of exploring the plethora of incredibly original and funky stores that Upper Brunswick Street is infamous for. This photo was taken at a cafe by Scott, who couldn’t resist taking a snap of our gorgeous baby. We’d just had a fabulous lunch after a blissful morning of shopping in Sunny Brisbane.

( It dawned on me that I can barelyremember what it’s like to sit down and have lunch without worrying if Lance had consumed enough carbohydrates to match the insulin already injected into his body hours earlier. I can’t remember eating a meal without giving most or all of my food containing carbs to Lance, in a desperate attempt to lessen the chance of a massive hypo in the middle of a city.)

 Food, Insulin, Nutritional panels…my brain is an entanglement of numbers and percentages, with a twist of fear and uncertainty intertwining through more numbers, and more percentages.  

However, in this photo, Lance was only seven, almost eight months old. I treasure this image. It was when Scott, Lance and I were a tight-knit family. No Diabetes, no mysterious symptoms present, just joyous times each and everyday. I used to long for Lance to wake up, I loved his company so much.

I remember other diners’ catching a glimpse of Lance, (who had just woken from a nap) and they simply couldn’t look away. That had always been the way with my baby-you had no choice but to be fixated by his huge smile and natural charisma that was already evident, even at such a tender age.

 Not one person would ever have thought that given a few months from that day, this baby’s rosy cheeks would be sallow and chalk white, his sparkling baby blue eyes sunken back into his head, dull and lifeless, and his warm expressive face crumpled with agonising pain.

So, here’s the shot that breaks my heart, yet reminds me how blessed I was to have that one, amazing, perfect year.

(Those little fingers had never been hurt in anyway, only smothered with kisses.)

I still have my baby, but he has had to fight so hard to become the amazing kid he is today. I’m watching him sleep as I type, and I can still see that baby in his “big boy” face. My favourite sound in the world is my son breathing as he sleeps.

Out of all of Lance’s pre-diagnosis photos, this one comforts me the most. It doesn’t make me sad, or bitter, or crave for a life free of Diabetes. It only reminds me just how lucky I am to have my son.

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